It’s hard to believe that it has been exactly two months already. Maybe I’m still in total denial, but this has been a very blessed period of my life. Yes, I’m sad and I miss Shelley, and I wish she was still here. I always will. But I can see a new phase of my life starting. And I’ve been shown just how very many people love me and care about me. So many people have reached out to me, and continue to check up on me. A Sally Fields line comes to mind 🙂
I’m starting to read books and blogs about being a widower. The book I’m reading now is “The Widower’s Journey: Helping Men Rebuild After Their Loss” by Herb Knoll. In addition to citing a lot of study results and statistics, it includes a lot of widower personal stories. I’m learning about depression and PTSD. I don’t think I’ve ever suffered even mild depression before. But for a few weeks there I thought that my inability (or lack of desire) to get off the couch and do anything was just my allergies 🙂
I must say that I feel lucky and encouraged reading these other widower stories. I guess that I feel lucky because of the timing of this thing. While caring for Shelley, I had started doing most of the cooking and household chores (if you can call heating up an HEB Meal Simple or can of something actually cooking). So I wasn’t left clueless in that regard like many widowers. I’ve been picking out the healthier Meal Simple dinners, mostly salmon or chicken, so I think my diet is pretty good. Eventually I’m going to try my hand at stir frying in my new wok, but I’ll leave that for another day.
And I have a dog, so I’m not totally alone when I am at home. The book I’m reading mentions how helpful having a pet can be. I agree!
The areas I need to work on are the same areas that existed before Shelley left; exercise, more social contact, less TV, less ice cream & desserts. So I’m making a real effort in that area. I’ve even joined a support group to help eliminate my after-dinner-binge-eating. Jesus has His work cut out for him with me there. I don’t seem to want to help much.
I’ve spent a lot of time going over to my son Brian and his wife Tracy’s house. She’s fed me a lot! And it doesn’t take much time with my granddaughter Scarlett to really cheer me up.
And the rest of the family has been calling to check up on me, and Jackie sends me pictures of my newest granddaughter Melody Grace.
I’ve been pretty busy fixing up the RV. Moving Shelleys stuff into storage has left me a bunch of space I never had before. Of course the first things I did was move to Shelley side of the bed, which is way better than the side I had been sleeping on because I had to crawl over the bed to get to it. And I moved my clothes into her (bigger) closets. I’ve also converted her sewing area into a little game table/dining-for-one area.
And yes, I’ve moved the piano into the living room. This is becoming my man cave now.
I’m currently in the process of going through all the kitchen cabinets. I’m going to get rid of all the Collard Greens and other stuff that I don’t like. It suddenly dawned on me that those cabinets are full of stuff that I will never cook or eat. Ever! So off to the food bank it goes. Do they even accept collard greens at a food bank?
So I’m keeping very busy. It helps a lot. I volunteer at the small public library for a couple hours each week. I bowl in a league one night a week. I meet with friends for lunch or coffee once or twice a week. I attend church on Saturdays, and have joined the worship team where I will be playing keys one weekend a month (all five services!).
God has been very good to me, and I truly feel thankful, even if that is while being sad and occasionally through some tears.